Unfall

1

"I can't let myself fall for him." It was a desperate plea, barely louder than a whisper.

Why not?

"We're too different. Anyway, he will never fall for me. I don't want to get hurt." A sigh this time, more resigned than sad.

You can't avoid pain forever.

"I know that but I'm too scared. And even if he liked me back, what then? It's not like we can be together."

Does it really matter if you're different from each other?

"Of course it matters. He can't change. I won't change. It can never be between us." Frustration, a living, coiling thing.

You are a fool for wanting to taste forbidden fruit.

A bitter smile. "I know. It's not like I can help it."

How does it feel like being near him?

"Unbearable. It is as if all my body cells can't help but gravitate towards him. My eyes can't help but find him. My body can't help but be so, so aware of him. I'm an idiot." A sad laugh.

Will you be able to stop yourself?

"I have to. I just have to."

Desperate.

Determined.

2

She instantly knew that he was different. He avoided looking at people and walked with a shuffling gait. Restlessly, he moved from the living room to his bedroom and back again. He kept picking up her dad's bag, as if offended or distressed at the sight of it. Her dad gently took the bag from him without a word. He had always been a kind man. She made sure never to directly look at him, uncertain whether it was rude to stare or to ignore his presence. "Go back to your room and stay there," his father growled at him. He obediently marched back to his room, head hanging like a chastised kid. The maid quickly locked the door to his room with a key. A shameful feeling of relief washed over her at his absence. She could still see his fingers which were hooked through the bars of his room door. She averted her eyes.

3

The phone dropped from her nerveless fingers. Snatching her car keys from the table, she rushed outside, started the car and drove off without looking back.

***

"Grandmere, are you alright? How do you feel?" she asked breathlessly after bursting into the hospital ward. Her grandmother's beloved face stretched into a wide but tired smile. "Still alive and kicking as you can see." She chuckled weakly. "Grandmere, you shouldn't joke about this," she admonished her gently as she took a seat beside the bed. "Now, young lady, this is my disease and my life. I am free to joke about it as I please." A violent fit of coughing overtook her as she said this, her frail body shaking with each rattling cough. "Grandmere!" she reached for the button that would summon the nurses. "Don't, child. I'm fine. Please." she pleaded her only grandchild. She reluctantly took her hand away from the emergency button and handed her grandmother a glass of water instead. A sob suddenly escaped her throat. Before she could stop it, tears were gushing down her cheeks and she was buried in her grandmother's warm embrace. "I don't want you to die, Grandmere. I love you." Her grandmother gently stroked her hair and murmured soothingly, "I know, child. I love you too." Tears were shining in her eyes. Her chest heaved once, and then, she was gone.