All's Fair in Love and War

We all know what bull the above saying is. Nothing is ever fair, especially in love and war. Since I have never been in a relationship, I'm the furthest thing from an expert on love there is. Heck, I barely know anything about war.  All I can tell you about both subjects is based on what I have observed, which is not much. I'm not here to point fingers or to offer sage advice about relationships. I'm just trying to make sense of how relationships work, mainly the romantic kind. Why is love so closely related to war? Maybe it's because they're both messy, painful and destructive. Who knows? My friend compared relationships to building a boat. Go and read her blog. It makes a lot of sense when she put it like that. Love isn't the be all and end all of life. Like war, you have to pick up the pieces and rebuild your whole life in the aftermath. You can't walk away and hide from the world just because you broke up with someone. Life doesn't work like that. It's cruel and harsh but it's reality. No matter how much you want to turn back time and change things, you can't. Don't throw your life away over something you can't control. If you're not meant to be together, then it's not meant to be. Don't push it. You don't need a partner to make your life complete. This is what I believe. No offence to romantics throughout the world. Love is simple, people are complicated. You don't have to blindly follow my words. I'm commitment-phobic. What do I know about relationships? I'm scared of getting hurt so I avoid cultivating close relationships with anyone, even my family. I never contact any of my old friends. I only speak to my relatives on Chinese New Year or on special occasions like weddings and stuff. I always put up a wall whenever I'm interacting with other people. I'm painfully shy. I abhor speaking to strangers. I am uncomfortable with physical contact. I prefer the company of books to living, breathing humans. Point is, I'm screwed up. So, just disregard everything I had written about love and follow your heart. Pray to God and He will guide you on the right path.

P.S. God bless you.          

Rain Sound

It's raining again today. Woe to those who want to dry their wet laundry, I guess. Glad I'm not one of them. Personally, I love the rain. The steady rhythmic pitter-patter of falling raindrops sounds so soothing, like a lullaby of drumbeats. A vague feeling of melancholia envelops me as I listen to the sound of the rain outside my window. This reminds me of one of my favorite Korean songs, 'Rain Sound'. It's a sad and slightly angry break-up song. I wonder if I listen to love songs and break-up songs because I want to experience the highs and lows of romantic love for once, even if it's vicariously. Sometimes, I think that I invest so much of myself in fiction that I've forgotten what reality is really like. Lately, I feel so lost and so empty. I keep asking myself where have all the dreams of my youth gone. Those shining hopeful dreams that shaped the choices I've made until now. Are they locked up and kept in a dusty corner of my mind? Or have they disappeared like the bubbles we used to blow when we were children? I keep asking myself if this is how I want to live my life. Stuck in a rut and forever filled with regret for the opportunities that I have let pass me by. How do I fill the void in my soul? How do I stop feeling like a drifter with nowhere to go? Real life isn't like the movies. Change doesn't happen overnight. Can I change for the better? I need my God to guide me home but my faith is faltering like a sputtering candle in the middle of a storm. I haven't prayed for so long. Really prayed. I'm scared to even look at the Bible. What's the use of hanging a cross in my room if I can't even reach out to Him? Is it too late for me?

P.S. God bless you.

The Princess and the Porcupine

Snow White was feeling quite disgruntled when the news of her sister's betrothal to Prince Leopold was announced throughout the Kingdom. Unsurprisingly, the news was received with much fanfare and excitement in the palace save for one grumpy princess who sulked in her room, refusing to go and congratulate her sister. It was not that she was jealous of Rose Red and begrudged her happiness. She was sincerely glad that her beloved sister had found her Prince Charming but she had just had a very unpleasant row with Lord Bailey, her own betrothed this morning and was in no mood to celebrate. "Why can't he just accept the fact that I am right for once?" she grumbled under her breath, viciously stabbing a rag doll which eerily resembled the aforementioned lord with an exceedingly sharp needle. After the doll had been reduced to nothing but a piece of cotton, her anger finally abated enough for her to leave her bedchambers and proceed to her sister's quarters. "Oh, Snow. I thought you'd never come by." Rose said with a teasing note in her voice when Snow White opened the double doors of her sister's bedchamber. Snow smiled at her sister guiltily. Rose knew her far too well. "I'm sorry, Rose. I was feeling a tad upset with Lord Bailey. I sincerely wish you and Prince Leopold all the happiness in the world." Her smile turned warm as she clasped her sister's hand. Rose was clearly flushed with happiness. It was apparent to everyone that she was head over heels in love with Prince Leopold. Snow and Rose had known Leopold since they were children. Their parents were friends and their kingdoms were allies. Snow had always known that Rose and Leopold were meant to be together. She often concocted schemes to throw both of them into romantic situations. Clearly, her efforts had paid off. Rose squeezed her sister's fingers comfortingly. "I'm sure you and Lord Bailey will live happily ever after too." Snow snorted in a very unprincess-like way. "The day Lord Bailey and I see each other without wanting to murder the other party is the day hell freezes over," she scoffed at her sister's absurd assumption. Abandoning the topic of suitors and engagements, Snow and Rose whiled away their time trading views on politics, debating about the latest court fashion and gossiping about the many follies of the courtiers. After retiring to her room at the stroke of midnight, Snow fell asleep dreaming about lace, pearls and the silly antics of Lord Buckham.

***

Pardue the Porcupine was merrily making his way home from the market when he stumbled upon something round, smooth and shiny. Wiggling his little snout, he sniffed the unfamiliar object curiously, wondering whether it was edible or not. After attempting to take a tiny nibble of the aforementioned object, he ascertained that it was quite inedible, his tiny teeth aching like mad. Disgruntled, he drew back his short little arm, intending to fling the useless object into the ditch when a pale, long-fingered hand stayed his. "Hold on, my good fellow. Before you throw that rock away, may I have a look at it?" a smooth, cultured voice asked. "Rock?" Pardue held up the strange object, perusing it with a critical eye. "Looks like no rock I've ever seen," he grunted doubtfully. He eyed the stranger who had interrupted his throw. "And who be you?" The stranger doffed his feathered hat and bowed as he introduced himself, "Lord Germaine Bailey, Duke of Wittingmore, at your service." Much to the perplexity of the nobleman, Pardue threw his head back and released a hearty straight-from-the-belly laugh. "What, pray tell, is so funny about what I said?" he asked with genuine curiosity and without rancor. "If you be the Duke of Wittingmore, I be a butterfly!" he snorted before bursting into a fresh bout of laughter. The nobleman was amused. "I assume you do not believe me but that's quite alright. I do want to have a look at that rock though before I continue on my way. May I?" he asked courteously, holding out a hand towards a sniggering Pardue. Pardue saw no harm in it and promptly dropped the rock onto the supposed duke's open palm. The nobleman held the rock carefully up to the level of his eyes and gave it a thorough once over. When he lifted the rock so that it caught the sunlight, its smooth surface glowed a deep shade of ruby red. The nobleman's lips stretched into a satisfied smile, his suspicions confirmed. Pardue was more preoccupied with the time on his pocketwatch. It was almost time for lunch and his wife would be very displeased with him if he was late for it. When the nobleman tried to return the useless rock to him, he merely waved it away and told him that he can keep it. With a hasty farewell, he rushed off home, leaving a very bemused duke clutching a ruby red rock in his wake.

***

When Life Gives You Lemons....

    You make lemonade. At least, that's how the saying goes. I've drank lime juice before but never lemonade. I wonder if they taste the same. A refreshing blend of sweet, salty and sour that dances on your tongue and fizzles down your throat. Damn. Looks like I'm craving for some. What's the purpose of this blog post? And why such a title? I just feel that it aptly describes the way my life is going right now. Except instead of making lemonade, I'm sucking on the damn lemons. Bleargh. You can gather by now that I am not a big fan of lemons. Even thinking about them makes my teeth hurt. That's not the point. What I'm trying to say is that instead of putting a positive spin on the mess I've made of my life, I'm wallowing in self-pity and self-loathing. Bloody pathetic, I tell you. My spiritual life isn't getting any better either. I wish I can pluck out all the evil and vindictive feelings in my soul and throw them far, far away. But I can't. All I can do is try to keep my guard up and not let my unpleasant side leak out through the cracks. The past few weeks were positively hellish. I've let my guard down a few times and acted like a b***h. I know that if I don't find a way to rid myself of the darkness in my soul, I may never see the light again. I'm scared. I don't want to fall prey to sin and temptation. I know that I can only find redemption in God but I am ashamed to face Him. It's silly of me to avoid the only being that can help me. I never said I was the sharpest tool in the shed. I want to make amends. I want to make things right. Help me, Father. I need You. Be my strength, my shield and my sword, Father. Help me overcome my weaknesses and shortcomings. Amen.

P.S. God bless you.