Rain Sound

It's raining again today. Woe to those who want to dry their wet laundry, I guess. Glad I'm not one of them. Personally, I love the rain. The steady rhythmic pitter-patter of falling raindrops sounds so soothing, like a lullaby of drumbeats. A vague feeling of melancholia envelops me as I listen to the sound of the rain outside my window. This reminds me of one of my favorite Korean songs, 'Rain Sound'. It's a sad and slightly angry break-up song. I wonder if I listen to love songs and break-up songs because I want to experience the highs and lows of romantic love for once, even if it's vicariously. Sometimes, I think that I invest so much of myself in fiction that I've forgotten what reality is really like. Lately, I feel so lost and so empty. I keep asking myself where have all the dreams of my youth gone. Those shining hopeful dreams that shaped the choices I've made until now. Are they locked up and kept in a dusty corner of my mind? Or have they disappeared like the bubbles we used to blow when we were children? I keep asking myself if this is how I want to live my life. Stuck in a rut and forever filled with regret for the opportunities that I have let pass me by. How do I fill the void in my soul? How do I stop feeling like a drifter with nowhere to go? Real life isn't like the movies. Change doesn't happen overnight. Can I change for the better? I need my God to guide me home but my faith is faltering like a sputtering candle in the middle of a storm. I haven't prayed for so long. Really prayed. I'm scared to even look at the Bible. What's the use of hanging a cross in my room if I can't even reach out to Him? Is it too late for me?

P.S. God bless you.