Why do people keep doing the things that they know will hurt them? Are we all masochists? Or is it just me? Whenever I see this person, old hurts resurface in my mind, bad memories that bring fresh tears to my eyes. I indulged in a pathetic pity party last night. A sense of self-loathing fills me. Gosh, I'm such a self-centered b***h! Wallowing in my petty miseries while there are other people suffering from worse fates than this. I can't help it, though. I know that partly it is my fault but my heart won't let it rest that easily. If I can go back in time, I would have done things differently. I thought that coming here would change things for me, would change me but everything remains the same. When did prayer become a chore for me? Where have all my childhood dreams gone to? Fear and guilt gnaws at my heart. Forgive me for being foolish, Father. I deserve whatever punishment you have dealt me or reserved for me. I know the weight of my sins. Two assignments are due on Friday. Gotta go.
P.S. Sorry for all the gloom and doom. God bless you.
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